Tablet status: purchased. I keep forgetting I already told Antoinette about it, so I repeat myself and it seems like I'm bragging. I'm probably driving her nuts. We were okay this week, Ant and I. We were both just getting frustrated with each other, but this week we didn't have the chance to talk much at work, or even sit near each other, so we got to missing each other a little more. There's another girl our age at work, she keeps leaving Antoinette little messages taped to the puzzle box in the breakroom. Everyone gravitates to Ant, she's always running from the tall man and the loud guy and now the girl our age. The boys that play Magic smile at me, but it's not like I'm getting fan letters. And that's fine by me, since I hate people.Bus bus bus, bus to another land. I rode sixteen hours on a Greyhound once, my pilgrimage to a backwoods Mecca, I lost my virginity and came back empty. Thank heavens, too. I was tired of that one.
I am excited about my trip! I like to travel, I like going by bus, this is only an hour and a half but I'm getting out of town. When I'm out on my own, I might do something like this, saving up to travel, coming back and saving up to travel. What else am I going to do, get a stable job? For the birds. I want to see the hills of Georgia again, I've never been out of the country, I want to see Maine and Chicago. I want to drive to all of these places because I hate to fly and flying is too fast, anyway. You know, maybe I should not even get a place after school. I can just leave, with all of my things and all of my money, just go, whitewash houses and cut hair for extra cash, see everything I want to see.
Company would be nice for this epic journey, not a roadtrip but a life. A man would be nice. Someone I identify with and love and can stand for long periods at a time. This would probably be the man I end up marrying, whenever I settle down wherever I decide to settle down. Wherever we decide. Hills of Georgia, that would be nice. If we cleaned ourselves up, living in a big city might be fun. Imagine me, tripping down the stairs in some crazy huge highrise apartment. Wood floors and houseplants.
It does not depress me that none of this is going to happen. I realize that I will most likely want to stay in town after school because I was offered a job or maybe my parents will want me to come home and take care of the house while they go on vacation, and I'll meet someone in town and never leave. It is not depressing because even if you put me in a box and taped it shut, I would find a way to make it all very romantic. Here I am swathed in darkness, breathing in the humid fibrous smell of cardboard.
See? I'm a nutcase. It's official, I'm a nutcase. Sound the alarm, someone fetch the butterfly net, it's time to collect the nutcase. On an unrelated note, I enjoy Shirley Jackson's We Have Always Lived in the Castle. So much better than Hill House. Well, it's very similar to Hill House, but the latter got bogged down in details. I really adore Shirley Jackson, I realize that my list of favorite authors is a simple list, but I can't help it. She's captivating, Willa Cather is clever as all hell, Kate Chopin is the picture of word painters, Calvino makes my head swim, and Woody Allen never, never gets old. I'm sorry Patrick, I took Ayn Rand off my list, but Allen stays. Have you read any of his books, or are you basing your dislike on his young bride? That's why Ant doesn't like him.
Ah crap, I really have to go. I'm not done packing yet and I need to be at the bus station in an hour. This was fun, let's do it again sometime.
